Undecided (Pensive mood again)

**** Sometime in 2005 -- blogspot why aren't you keeping the edit history. Why? why?****
*** Still holds true today!!!!! nothing has changed ***

I really think feel that I'm in the wrong field of work. Have you read about the shopaholic series by Kenzie? I loved the book because it reminded me of my present predicament.

I am pretending to know a lot about my current job when the truth is, I don't know a hoot. Oh boy! I'm in trouble. Today, we were asked to do a certain task to which 'til now left me groping in the dark.

The trouble with me is that I don't even know what I really want to do. I graduated high school not knowing what course to take. As far as I can remember, I didn't have dreams of becoming a doctor, lawyer, journalist or any high profile job for that matter. Heck, I can't even remember what I always wanted as a child. All I wanted was to dress up and work in a corporate office, signing documents. Simple lang naman ang dream ko hehehe.

Everybody expected that I would follow the footsteps of my mother and become a nurse. Yes, I don't fear needles, I can even tolerate "yucky stuffs" but seeing my cousin studying and memorizing those weird and hard to pronounce terms not to mention the thickness of those books turned me off. I also pity my patient because I'm Ms. Forgetful and Ms. Careless so I might just give him/her the wrong dosage or leave the equipment inside his internal organs which would lead to death of course.

I was going to enroll in accountancy because I wanted to become a teller and count all those money (how lame was I?) but got dissuaded by my best friend in taking up my current course. I hated my course by the way. Of course, I wasn't any good at it.

If I were to go back, what course should I have taken? I honestly don't know. I actually wanted to take up fine arts (I thought I had talent but it was pure imagination) but job after graduation would be too difficult to find. Teacher? No way Jose! I have stage fright.

When I took the programming course, I actually hated it. As it was the "in" thing for my batch mates, and my bf was very passionate about it, I psych myself to like it. I actually liked it. As it was not my passion I got disheartened because I could not get into the groove and just be good at it.

Sigh! I just want to find something I'll be good at. How hard can that be?